Healing

Today was a very different day at FBS. Our paster, Don Wilton, has been preaching from James for the past 3-4 weeks and we've focused on Identity Crisis. We've talked about Favoritism, the Future, Money, and today he talked about Suffering and Healing from James 5. Last week, we were challenged to bring someone, anyone, who we knew was suffering--emotionally, physically, etc. A few people definitely came to my mind, but I never asked them to come with us. I didn't realize it was actually me who needed healing.

Many of you read my blog and probably think, "She's really brave," or "She must be really strong to put all her business out there for the world to see." And I have to admit that all the strength I have only comes from above. Jesus has truly given me a mission to share my personal journey of infertility with you so that somehow, at some time, some one might see Jesus through this journey. I never thought I would ever make this blog public for my closest friends and acquaintances to read. It simply started as a  random blog for other bloggers who I would never meet to possibly read and relate. But somewhere in my journey, the Lord spoke to me and told me to share. And I chose to do just that.

However, while much of the time I put on a brave face and a big smile, there are quiet moments in the day where I'm by myself and I am scared to death--not of the injections and how some of them may hurt or make me feel. But I'm scared that if this journey doesn't give us a successful pregnancy, people may think God didn't answer our prayers. Please know, whatever the result, my God is faithful and He is Good and He will provide in His way and in His time. I trust Him completely, and I hope those of you who read will see only the strength He provides in this trying time. While a negative pregnancy test would be disappointing, I would never go back and do this stage in our lives differently. God opened this door for us for a reason. We aren't quite sure yet, but we know our job is to continue to walk.

So, back to the service this morning. Dr. Wilton gave us four points about what the Lord says in His word about Suffering and Healing. They are as follows:

1. Be believing--even in your suffering, believe God will do great things and believe He will heal you
2. Be open-hearted--don't be trapped by your circumstance, but instead, allow people to surround you, pray for you, and walk with you on your journey--don't do it alone!
3. Be humble--sometimes we allow our pride to get in the way and we decide to suffer in silence--be vocal about your struggle and seek help from others
4. Be expectant--expect that God will answer your prayers

As I went through this list, I felt as if I could put a check beside each one. At first, I wanted to do this by myself and not tell anyone about this "problem." How weird was I that I couldn't get pregnant? What would people think? Eventually, I opened up my heart and the Lord spoke. I started with my family and close friends, and then eventually posted my blog to FaceBook for my other friends to read. I thought, "I'd rather have a HUGE number of people on my side asking the Lord for the same thing than just me asking Him." And finally, I'm still getting better about being expectant. Sometimes the devil rears his head and asks me "What are you going to do if you don't get pregnant? You've waited so long and prayed so hard. Just GIVE UP." I'm learning to ignore that voice and expect that God WILL answer my prayer.

My sweet husband saw the suffering all over my face this morning as tears rolled down my cheeks and simply asked me if I wanted to go down to the alter and ask someone to pray for us. While it was in the back of my head, I kept telling myself that my "suffering" wasn't "like" other people who were sick, in pain, battling cancer, etc. I decided to go, with his leadership, and it was the sweetest time with our friend who prayed over us. Another hand landed on my back after a minute or two and I felt the Spirit of the Lord covering us with His love and grace. What a time of healing it was!

I would urge anyone who is suffering in ANY way to seek out someone you trust and ask them to pray with/for you. Don't suffer in silence and never experience the kind of healing I felt in my heart today. To know other people are walking with me and praying over me daily means the world to my husband and I. What a truly special feeling that is. As I continue to walk through this door the Lord opened for me, my prayer is that He continue to open more doors and close others that simply aren't in His plan for me. Won't you do the same? If you don't have anyone that will pray for/with you, I will be that person. Please let me know if I can ever serve any of you. It would be my pleasure.