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Friday, December 14, 2012

Not yet my child...

That's what God told us today. We took off work and went into PREG at 8:30 this morning for my blood work. I figured it would be hours until we found out, but my good friend, Lindsay, said they can do a preliminary serum test that would only take 10 minutes to find out. Then, they would continue to complete the full blood test. That 10 minutes in the waiting room felt like forever, but I couldn't help having this overwhelming feeling that it just wasn't going to happen. I hate thinking negatively and I have always prayed the test would come out positive, but deep in my soul I just wasn't feeling very positive about the results.

Lindsay came around from the other direction and motioned for me to come to her. I knew at that point the news was not good. She told me the test came back negative and that she was just so sorry. For the last 2 weeks I imagined my reaction for positive or negative news. I've had negative news (about pregnancy) for a long time so I knew how those emotions would look. Yes, I cried in front of her and we hugged and I know she was genuinely so sad for us. We were sad for us. But it is what it is. We are not pregnant, and it's ok.

Lindsay asked me if I wanted to see Dr. Payne to talk with him, and I just couldn't think of anything we could talk about. So, I declined. We had no frozen embryos. This was the only shot. What more is there to talk about? Some people may want to know what happened. What is the reasoning behind the negative test result? What could we have done better? Did I do something wrong? Not me. I don't feel that I need to know all those details. All I need to know is that God said "Not yet my child."

I have the sweetest, most loving, caring, truly amazing family and friends in the world. You all have supported us through this moment in time and I know there will be more moments at some point that you guys will continue to be with us. We really could not ask for more. God knew what He was doing when He so perfectly placed each and every one of you into our lives. Please know we love you very much and thank you for all the prayers you have lifted on our behalf. You'll never fully know the impact.

God is not finished with Jason and Katie Hill. Please do not think that because He didn't give us a child through this IVF procedure that He is not good or faithful. He is both and so much more. He will give us a child in His time, and we are content with waiting and be patient. I posted a verse on my facebook account the other day from Habakkuk 2:3. It reads:

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, SURELY, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late BY A SINGLE DAY."

We humans have a problem with patience. I think it's just in our DNA. And since our world is all about NOW, NOW, NOW, many people have a hard time waiting for what they so desperately want. Many seem to give up and get mad at God when He doesn't do what He said He was going to do at the exact time WE wanted Him to do it. Shame on us for not taking the Lord at His word. Guys, He DOES amazing things. He WILL DO amazing things. But, He wants us to wait on Him. Aren't the greatest gifts you have in life the ones you waited for?

So, we take one step at a time. We ask for healing hearts. We ask the Lord to open a new door, now that He has closed this one. We ask Him to help us be patient. We ask Him to continue blessing our family for waiting on His perfect plan. We ask Him to bless others through the journey we've been on. I remember at the very beginning of this journey I wrote to you all something to the sound of: If only one person sees the goodness of the Lord through this journey, it was all worth it and I'd do it all over again. I stand to tell you I feel the same now that I did then. 

God is good, all the time. Believe. 


  1. To be heartbroken and so submissive to God's will.... I admire you Katie. *hugs and prayers*

  2. Thanks Suzanna! We know in His timing we will have a beautiful child of our own!

  3. All the time God is Good. Katie, I am so very sorry that this didn't work out but I agree with you that it's just not His timing. I have been checking your page like everyday to see what news you had and in the meantime I have been praying that I would be his will for your life. I know we don't know each other but since reading your blog ( came across it by chance while randomly searching on IVF stuff) I have felt like you have helped ME get through the rough patch that my husband and I are going through. You do not know the effect your words have had in my life this week. I just want to thank you for being one of His faithful soldiers and for putting it all out there.