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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Shot class..

...and no, there was no alcohol involved. Although, after seeing some of the needles I was sure one of the girls in the class might need one lol! Anyway, I took a half day off work today to learn how to give myself an injection...or better yet, have someone else give it to me. Luckily, my mom was able to go with me and learn along side me, because I'm sure she'll be the one poking me! 

Basically, the nurse showed us how to give any kind of shot we possibly would need to give, and if we ever forget, we have a play by play informational sheet as a reminder. Since I live about 40 minutes away from the office, that would be a real hassle driving there every time I needed an HCG trigger shot or in the future, maybe IVF injections everyday. Hopefully, the IUI will work and we won't have to go "there."

I just want to rave about the nurse who taught the class today. Her name is Susan and she is the kind of nurse everyone going through infertility issues should have/meet. She consistently told us that no question was stupid and answered every question we had. She showed us how to administer every shot we may need at some point using an orange as her target! I don't know that I could give myself one, but I'm glad my mom was there to learn. She even asked the person over insurance and billing to call me soon so we could talk about all "that stuff" I really know nothing about. However, "that stuff" is super important because my insurance pays a $15,000 max lifetime for infertility issues. I wonder how much I've used...I have no clue : / Susan is awesome, and I'm so glad there are still people in the medical field who truly love their job and care about each and every one of us going through this.

I have my day 13 U/S on Sunday so they can look and see what's going on. They will check how many mature follicles I have and measure the sizes. I don't know much about the units of measure, but they like to see the follicles measure between 18-20. Last month, I had a follicle that was classified as a 21 and the IUI was done 2 days later (less than 24 hours after the trigger shot). I asked Susan why they didn't wait 36 hours to do the IUI after the trigger shot and she looked at my chart and said "because your follicle was a 21, we needed to go ahead and do it." In terms we all understand, since my follicle was getting larger AND older, it was getting more and more fragile. If it doesn't release the egg or releases it too late, it has a poor chance of attaching to the uterine lining. So in reality, the egg could be fertilized, but if it's old and fragile, it won't attach, thus causing your period to come.

So, hopefully I will have a good follicle (or good follicle(s)) to work with this month. I almost wonder if the reason it didn't take this last month is because it wasn't able to attach?? Guess I'll never know, but this whole process is very much trial and error and trying to figure out what to do based on how MY body reacts. NOTHING can be done by the book all the time because everyone is so different. Hopefully I'll have good news to report on Sunday after the U/S. Until then....

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Life lessons...

Well, I called the Fertility clinic today to let them know I was starting a new cycle and asked what this new cycle held for me. What was I going to have to face this time? I found out that I need to go to a class on injections so I can learn how to either give them to myself or have someone give them to me. We also made the next appt. for an ultrasound and decided to do another round of IUI. Hey, if you fail, try and try again, right?

Well, a situation that is a far cry from infertility came up today as I was leaving the gym. My mom got a text from my brother letting her know how he did on his 3rd attempt at the MCAT. Well, it was not an improvement from last time. She was/is so upset and frustrated and wants so badly for him to get that high score so he will hopefully be admitted to med school. Isn't that how it is with infertility? We go through month after month of fertility meds, shots, ultrasounds, doctor appointments, the actual IUI, the two week wait, only to find out by a little pregnancy test that it didn't work. Our goal was not achieved.

My heart breaks for my brother because I know how bad he wanted to do well. He studied so hard for months, took multiple practice tests, and today was the day he found out his goal was not achieved either. I think all of us have the right to be a little frustrated, to cry if we want to, and to even be mad that what we wanted so badly didn't work out, BUT we don't have the right to question God and be mad at God because what WE wanted, we didn't get. As humans, we all struggle with selfishness. We were born in sin and that's our human nature, unfortunately. But as Christians, we should understand that God has another plan for us. A much BETTER plan for us that even we cannot fathom. If you want to read a story where God intervened in the most unconventional way, read Amy's story.

God is so good, ya'll! He loves us despite how we feel sometimes. Despite the anger, sadness, frustration we express when things just don't go our way. Please just always remember, the plan unfolds day by day. We may not know what that plan is until it slaps us in the face, but know that plan is in place. It sure would be nice to know what that plan is, but knowing that God holds my future is enough for me. I hope it can be enough for you too!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

So many of us know this verse and it's easy to recite, but have you ever just taken it to heart? He will not do anything to harm us. We may think so when things don't go our way, but He is here to give us a hope for a bright future, and to let us know that everything will be ok. We just have to TRUST Him. So, will  you trust Him today?

Monday, September 19, 2011

Hello cycle 2390489342, day 1

So, the pregnancy test I took on Friday was right. This IUI cycle was a bust and I didn't get pregnant. But, that's ok. There's always next time right? This journey has never been easy, but something about the past couple months has felt easier than before. Maybe it's that we are in the process of building a new house, buying new furniture etc. and that has taken precedence over getting pregnant--or maybe it's just something else to focus on while something else isn't exactly going how I'd hoped.

Regardless, this wonderful life I've been given from one amazing God is never dull and always full of surprises. I always joke with people that "you can't surprise me." I seem to always spoil a good surprise, but with God, nothing is ordinary--everything is extraordinary. I think he laughs at me and says "oh, you think I can't surprise you? Think again, sister!!" So I will continue to wait until His perfect timing has come. The impatience inside me sometimes wants to jump out and say "why not now, Lord?" but I know why. Because God has other plans right now. Better plans.

So, I suppose I will call the lovely people at the Fertility Clinic tomorrow and see where we're going to go next. Another round of Femara? Injectables this time? Another trigger shot? Missing work? You just never know when your on the infertility wagon. However, what I do know is that my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, is on that wagon with me and he's steering! What a great thought!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Not exactly the bday present I wanted...

Well, today is the 30th day of my cycle, but also my 25th birthday. I figured even though I didn't really want to do a pregnancy test, I would do it anyway on my birthday just to see. What an awesome birthday present a positive test would be. However, it was negative. So, I guess I should be expecting my period any day now. I've been averaging 29 day cycles for the past 2 months.

I really thought maybe this IUI would have worked. About 8 days after the insemination, I noticed a slight bit of pink discharge when I went to the bathroom. I've ready that could be implantation bleeding from the attaching to the uterine lining. I have felt slight cramping randomly for about a week or so now, but thought that could be the uterus expanding. I guess all that was simply just a guess...

That would have been the best birthday gift ever, but instead I'll be waiting for my dreaded period to make its appearance. Is it bad to even think I don't want to try anymore? It takes so much effort, time, and emotions that I just don't know if I'll jump back in and do another IUI soon. Maybe that's just my initial emotions talking, but at this point, it's getting old:(

Lord, your plans are greater than mine. What I think would be "perfect timing," you laugh and say, just wait! Help me understand that You always have my best interest at heart, and are not punishing me for anything. Lord, I love you and praise you for all your goodness, your mercy, your forgiveness...I just want to serve you, so others can see your wonders in times of struggle. Thank you for another birthday I get to celebrate with my family.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

IUI #1 complete:)

Well, today was the day...for several things! We went to our closing this morning to finally give up our home to our buyers. Closing went really well, we got our lump sum of profit put in the savings account, and headed to Greenville to do the IUI later in the day.

Jason went at 1:30 to give his sample, and I followed at 2:30. It was the shortest procedure ever and was pretty much the same feeling as a pap smear. It literally took maybe 2 minutes and it was done. I layed down for about 10-15 minutes, got up, and headed out! It was very simple, and we're hoping for good results. I have been instructed to go get some blood work done in a week to test my progesterone level. Supposedly, they can tell how well you ovulated from that test. Then in 2 weeks I'm supposed to take a pregnancy test. I HATE pregnancy tests. I would rather wait it out and let my period come. Negative tests are so disappointing, so I'm hoping not to see one for a while.

I did test my LH this morning with another ovulation test and the lines were exactly the same color which means ovulation should happen soon within the next 24-48 hours. These are the pictures of my ovulation tests from day 11 to today (day 15).

I think you can see by today the LH test was definitely positive. Jason had 190 million sperm in the sample which wasn't too shabby either since they consider 10 million to be a good sample. We are hoping for the best, but definitely not getting our hopes up. We are praying the Lord will bless us with a child and if it takes an IUI, that's fine with us. If he doesn't choose to use the IUI, that's ok too. We are content with the Lord's plan for our life and know His plan is better than ours, even if we don't understand at the moment. Hopefully the next time I update you, I'll have good news:) Until then...