I have had so many people contact me and tell me how glad they are that I have blogged about my journey with infertility. Many people wonder why or how I can be so open about something that can be so devastating, embarrassing, and painful. For about a year or so, it was all three of those things. I created this blog to get my thoughts out there, but at first I had no intention of making my blog "available" for my close friends and acquaintances. I didn't understand why I was going through this and maybe, just maybe it would end soon and I would have a baby like everyone else. Well, I'm still waiting.
But the waiting is not devastating, embarrassing, or painful anymore. Through prayer to my Lord and Savior, I have learned so many things in the past 2.5-3 years. First, the Lord has a perfect plan for my life. That perfect plan is obviously not my perfect plan. I've learned to be ok with that. The Lord has blessed my family and I with such wonderful opportunities that I may not have experienced if I had gotten pregnant on my time. I'm thankful the Lord's plan trumps mine:)
I have hoped that my blog will encourage others struggling with infertility to be more vocal about it and realize that they are not alone. We are all in this together, and all of us know that strong desire for a child. For those of you who never had trouble getting pregnant, the desire infertile people have for a child may not be classified as more of a desire, but that desire grows stronger after a long time waiting. I truly believe waiting for something makes it that much sweeter when we get it! The Lord promises us to give us our heart's desire in His timing, and the Lord's promises have no expiration people! He may not give us what we desire exactly when we desire it or how we desire it, but He'll give us exactly what we need.
Now, many of you have heard of IVF (in-vitro fertilization), but may not understand exactly what it entails. IUI (intrauterine insemination) is another treatment method some try. We have been through Clomid, Femara, and 2 rounds of IUI with no success. What's the difference between IUI and IVF? Well, the best way to describe it to you is like this:
IUI - male gives sperm sample, doctors "wash" the sperm, and use a catheter to get those sperm closer to the released egg (cuts down on the travel time for the sperm). The sperm still has to do its job--get to the egg and fertilize it.
IVF - female does injections for 10-14 days while every other day or few days is monitored via ultrasound to see how the follicles (sac that holds the egg) are growing. Once they are at a certain size indicating an egg has been produced, doctors will do a 20-30 minute egg retrieval (while patient is sedated). Male will give a sperm sample that day and embryologist will combine sperm and eggs (in certain cases, they will insert excellent, high quality sperm into each egg retrieved to ensure better chance of fertilization-ICSI-video below). Doctors/embryologist will watch the eggs for 3-5 days to see cells divide and become embryos. Certain embryos will be better that others. Once the doctor analyzes how many embryos would most likely implant well and grow into healthy babies, a determined # will be transferred back into the patient's uterus. After 12-14 days, the patient takes a pregnancy test to determine whether she is pregnant.
I don't know everything, but I've learned a lot and I hope I've helped some of you (struggling with infertility or not) understand what many infertile couples go through. Those who have not struggled with infertility sometimes want to console infertile friends by saying things like "just don't stress," "it will happen when you least expect it," "stop trying," or "it'll happen, don't worry" and no offense, but we don't want to hear that from you. We'd rather you just say something like "I'm sorry, you're going through this, it must be hard" or "I don't understand what you're going through, but I'm here for you if you need me."
Many times, fertility treatments like IUIs and IVF are the only methods some people have to get pregnant. I have the upmost respect for all the doctors and nurses at PREG who are willing to help me go through the process of IVF and hopefully become pregnant very soon. I've never met any other medical professionals in the infertility field who are as compassionate and caring as the ones at PREG. If you're looking for a clinic, you've found one at PREG!
I'm going to leave you with an animation of what IVF (with ICSI) is like. For those of you who don't know a lot about IVF, I hope this will allow you to become more informed and compassionate for those around you facing infertility. Until next time, tata!
Friday, September 21, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Hysterosalpingogram...huh?
Big word...very short procedure! Today was the day I visited the Greenville office of PREG to see if my fallopian tubes were clear or blocked. Leading up to the procedure, I asked a lot of friends/blogger friends how their experiences have been with this test. Some told me it was very painful while others said it's just uncomfortable. After disrobing and putting the fabulous open-back gown on, I sat down on the table awaiting the doctor and nurse. I was a little worried it would be excruciating, but about 2 minutes went by and it was nothing more than what a pap smear feels like (to me). I will fall into the category of "it was no biggie."
For those of you that don't want to hear the deets, click the little "X" at the top of the screen. You've been warned.
So, the doctor inserts a speculum (just as he would if he was doing a pap smear) to view the uterus. Once he had the speculum in place, he inserted a catheter. I then scooted back a bit to get myself positioned correctly under the x-ray machine. He then inserted the dye into the catheter and we were all able to watch the dye fill my uterus and flow out into the fallopian tubes then spilling out. I had NO blockage. Everything was clear and that was good news!
Something in my head wanted there to be a blockage so I would maybe KNOW why I haven't gotten pregnant, BUT the doctor said the results were great and going forward, this would be helpful in which ever decision we made. He asked Jason and me how we wanted to proceed. More IUIs? Or move straight to IVF?
We've talked about this often, and knew the answer before he asked the question. We've already done 2 IUIs and have not been successful. AND, because my tubes are fantastic, there's not a reason the IUIs we've already done shouldn't have worked. The chances of an IUI working versus the chances of IVF working is so much less (15-20%). PREG is one of the top fertility clinics in the US and their success rate with IVF in women less than 35 years old is 60% bring home!!! I can only hope when we do IVF this fall, we will be part of the 2013 success rates for PREG.
We are very exited and ready to work with such an amazing team of people who truly care about us and our desire to have a baby (or 2) :) I hope you will partner with us and pray for success. Thanks to everyone who has shown us such love and support! You'll never know how encouraging a "like" on FB is or a comment that you're praying for us is. We love all of our friends and family so much! We will update you guys when the next step happens!
For those of you that don't want to hear the deets, click the little "X" at the top of the screen. You've been warned.
So, the doctor inserts a speculum (just as he would if he was doing a pap smear) to view the uterus. Once he had the speculum in place, he inserted a catheter. I then scooted back a bit to get myself positioned correctly under the x-ray machine. He then inserted the dye into the catheter and we were all able to watch the dye fill my uterus and flow out into the fallopian tubes then spilling out. I had NO blockage. Everything was clear and that was good news!
Something in my head wanted there to be a blockage so I would maybe KNOW why I haven't gotten pregnant, BUT the doctor said the results were great and going forward, this would be helpful in which ever decision we made. He asked Jason and me how we wanted to proceed. More IUIs? Or move straight to IVF?
We've talked about this often, and knew the answer before he asked the question. We've already done 2 IUIs and have not been successful. AND, because my tubes are fantastic, there's not a reason the IUIs we've already done shouldn't have worked. The chances of an IUI working versus the chances of IVF working is so much less (15-20%). PREG is one of the top fertility clinics in the US and their success rate with IVF in women less than 35 years old is 60% bring home!!! I can only hope when we do IVF this fall, we will be part of the 2013 success rates for PREG.
We are very exited and ready to work with such an amazing team of people who truly care about us and our desire to have a baby (or 2) :) I hope you will partner with us and pray for success. Thanks to everyone who has shown us such love and support! You'll never know how encouraging a "like" on FB is or a comment that you're praying for us is. We love all of our friends and family so much! We will update you guys when the next step happens!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
It's my BIRTHDAY and I'll blog cause I want to...
I can't believe another year has come and gone and I'm on the OTHER side of 25. It was kind of nice being stuck in the middle for a year but now I'm closer to 30 than I am 20. Yikes! Every year definitely seems to sneak up a little quicker. Yesterday, I thought back to when I was 16. I was a junior in high school and cheerleading was my life. Here's me then:
Well, I guess this was technically when I was 17, but this was about 10 years ago. It really feels like it was just yesterday. Especially since I work at my alma mater and teach girls just like me at this age...strutting around school in their cheer attire! It definitely brings back memories, AND makes me miss that BLONDE hair:) For those of you who have NEVER seen me blonde, here ya go;)
It's really neat to reminisce on the past and wonder how in the world you got to where you are now. I remember when I was 16/17 thinking I would never see the day when I would graduate college, get married, build a house...but OMG, I've done all that! In high school, I dreamed of going off to college, graduating and getting married, and starting a family of my own. I can say I have done that!
The only bump in the road has been our infertility journey. I can't complain though. Many people my age can only dream of finding the right spouse out of all the duds out there. Many people can wish they had an opportunity fall into their lap to build the house of their dreams at 25 years old. The Lord has truly blessed me more than words can ever say, and I will be satisfied with what He allows me if this is as good as it gets!
But, I do feel he has great plans for my husband and my life. I think he has called us to be parents however the children may come, and I can't wait to watch it unfold. Tuesday is my HSG test and from there we will decide on IVF as a next step or not. I feel like the Lord has given doctors such wonderful knowledge and ability to create technology to help infertile women/men and if it works, that child/children will be a true miracle from God. We will just wait and see.
Until then, my heart is full and my God has covered me with a grace that is ENOUGH. Happy 26th birthday to me!!
It's really neat to reminisce on the past and wonder how in the world you got to where you are now. I remember when I was 16/17 thinking I would never see the day when I would graduate college, get married, build a house...but OMG, I've done all that! In high school, I dreamed of going off to college, graduating and getting married, and starting a family of my own. I can say I have done that!
The only bump in the road has been our infertility journey. I can't complain though. Many people my age can only dream of finding the right spouse out of all the duds out there. Many people can wish they had an opportunity fall into their lap to build the house of their dreams at 25 years old. The Lord has truly blessed me more than words can ever say, and I will be satisfied with what He allows me if this is as good as it gets!
But, I do feel he has great plans for my husband and my life. I think he has called us to be parents however the children may come, and I can't wait to watch it unfold. Tuesday is my HSG test and from there we will decide on IVF as a next step or not. I feel like the Lord has given doctors such wonderful knowledge and ability to create technology to help infertile women/men and if it works, that child/children will be a true miracle from God. We will just wait and see.
Until then, my heart is full and my God has covered me with a grace that is ENOUGH. Happy 26th birthday to me!!
Monday, September 10, 2012
PREG...new patient visit
Well, I had been anticipating this appointment for 2 weeks, it finally arrived, and I really couldn't be happier with my experience thus far. From the nurse practitioner to the receptionist to the doctor-everyone was so kind and made us feel so welcome and important. I hadn't truly had this experience elsewhere.
When we sat down to talk with Dr. Payne, he had already gone through my records and knew most of what I had previously been through. We talked about the next steps, which for us mostly will be the IVF process. Next Tuesday I will have the HSG test to check for blockage in the Fallopian tubes. That test will be an eye opener for sure to see if I've had any "unseen" issues up until this point or not. I'm really curious to find out. Regardless of the results, I still think we want to go forward with IVF. We feel like we've given the IUIs a try, they didn't work, and we don't want to keep putting money there when we have a better chance with IVF.
I'm excited for this journey. I don't know what the outcome will be. I'm obviously hopeful for a successful pregnancy, but also completely desire the will of God. Whatever path He puts us on is the right one, and we completely trust that He will provide us with everything we need-when we need it.
Thank you to all our family and friends who truly support us and are rooting us on! Your love an encouragement is so very appreciated and we thank you for keeping us in your prayers.
When we sat down to talk with Dr. Payne, he had already gone through my records and knew most of what I had previously been through. We talked about the next steps, which for us mostly will be the IVF process. Next Tuesday I will have the HSG test to check for blockage in the Fallopian tubes. That test will be an eye opener for sure to see if I've had any "unseen" issues up until this point or not. I'm really curious to find out. Regardless of the results, I still think we want to go forward with IVF. We feel like we've given the IUIs a try, they didn't work, and we don't want to keep putting money there when we have a better chance with IVF.
I'm excited for this journey. I don't know what the outcome will be. I'm obviously hopeful for a successful pregnancy, but also completely desire the will of God. Whatever path He puts us on is the right one, and we completely trust that He will provide us with everything we need-when we need it.
Thank you to all our family and friends who truly support us and are rooting us on! Your love an encouragement is so very appreciated and we thank you for keeping us in your prayers.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Starting again
The house is built, everything is in it's place, and Jason and I believe it's time to jump back on the infertility treatment wagon. We have been back and forth with "should we adopt?" or "should we continue seeking fertility help?" and we have both settled on the decision to exhaust all of our options to get pregnant before we look into adoption. I think this year of not having treatments and not focusing so heavily on my infertility has been good and now we feel refreshed and ready to start again.
Having said that, I have a friend who reached out to me less than a year ago to tell me she just started working at PREG (Piedmont Reproductive Endocrinology Group), saw my blog and wanted to share the fact she works for a great group of doctors and nurses who are the best of the best in what they do. Because we were building at the time she messaged me, we decided to put it off until the stress of building a house was over. Well, it's over and we can't wait to make an appointment and see what PREG has to offer.
They have offices in Greenville AND Spartanburg, which is great because that makes the travel time shorter for most appointments. I would still have some diagnostic tests done in Greenville and if we do IVF, that will be done in Greenville also, but many appointments can be done in Spartanburg. We were happy to see this option.
I have prayed for a long time that the Lord would guide us to the perfect place/time/people to help us decide on adoption or fertility treatments and we feel like we need to give this a shot. I recently got a fortune cookie from Uncle Poons that read ":) Success is on its way to you." I immediate thought maybe the Lord could be speaking to me through a fortune cookie. He has spoken to me in so many different ways, so why not a fortune cookie? I believe the Lord can work miracles in the lives of anyone, and I certainly pray He will work a miracle for us to have a baby. Will you be in prayer for us as we start this process again?
Having said that, I have a friend who reached out to me less than a year ago to tell me she just started working at PREG (Piedmont Reproductive Endocrinology Group), saw my blog and wanted to share the fact she works for a great group of doctors and nurses who are the best of the best in what they do. Because we were building at the time she messaged me, we decided to put it off until the stress of building a house was over. Well, it's over and we can't wait to make an appointment and see what PREG has to offer.
They have offices in Greenville AND Spartanburg, which is great because that makes the travel time shorter for most appointments. I would still have some diagnostic tests done in Greenville and if we do IVF, that will be done in Greenville also, but many appointments can be done in Spartanburg. We were happy to see this option.
I have prayed for a long time that the Lord would guide us to the perfect place/time/people to help us decide on adoption or fertility treatments and we feel like we need to give this a shot. I recently got a fortune cookie from Uncle Poons that read ":) Success is on its way to you." I immediate thought maybe the Lord could be speaking to me through a fortune cookie. He has spoken to me in so many different ways, so why not a fortune cookie? I believe the Lord can work miracles in the lives of anyone, and I certainly pray He will work a miracle for us to have a baby. Will you be in prayer for us as we start this process again?
Saturday, August 18, 2012
We are in and still alive...I promise:)
It's probably been a month or so since I last blogged! I think I've been so busy with getting in the house and getting everything situated that I just haven't had the time to sit down and blog. Let alone, I've been wanting to show all of you some pics of the furnished house and not just a new house with nothing in it. Therefore another reason I have "waited" to blog. We are still getting some rooms in place and I haven't gotten a chance to take pics, but here are a few I have taken since we moved in:
Kitchen with all the appliances:)
Dining room with gorgeous curtains made by mom and me
My side of the master bathroom
My office with cool monogrammed vinyl decal on my refurbished desk!
Guest bathroom with custom shower curtain I got on Etsy!
My handmade art finally up in the hallway!
Gorgeous wallpaper I had put up in another guest bathroom
Sweet Bentley loving mommy's new bed!
Our gorgeous master bedroom--we have blinds now by the way!
Screened porch--I got into sewing recently and made all these pillows/cushions!
Here's another piece on the screened porch--made these pillows/cushions too!
Cute little table/chairs! I found the table at Pier 1 but hated the chairs that came with it. So, I found these chairs at an antique store (made in the 30's) and spray painted them and made cushions to match. How cute is this??
Those are all the pics I have right now, but I'll get more taken as other rooms continue to be organized and decorated! Sorry for the MIA business!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
The house is OURS...tomorrow!
I am beyond excited to tell you guys that we are closing on our construction loan tomorrow and the house is officially ours! I cannot believe this day is here. I feel like we have been waiting so long and now we can finally make this house our home! It hasn't come without complications, frustrations, and situations, but it's here. Period.
We had a little bit of a bump this week though. Let me explain. To move in, you have to have a final inspection and the inspector has to give you a CO, or for those of you (like me) who didn't know what that stood for, it's a Certificate of Occupancy. Basically, they tell you that it's ok to move in. Well, we had that lovely inspection and the inspector found several things that were not up to code and did not pass us. We were a little worried but the problems were remedied and the guy came back today to check out the fixes. Well, we didn't pass AGAIN. Here's the deal...
If you ever build a house, make sure this doesn't happen to you. When our cabinet guy (who is amazing by the way) was putting the lower cabinets in near the stove, the floor was somewhat uneven; therefore, he had some major adjusting to do to make sure the cabinets were level etc. Well, in doing so, code was broken. The distance from the granite to the bottom of the upper cabinets MUST be 18". Ours is 17.5". SERIOUSLY...we can't pass because of 0.5"??? Well, the inspector DID give us the CO, BUT our builder has to write a letter to the county saying he will fix the problem(s) and they will come back out 3 weeks later to make sure it's fixed.
Here's the kicker...someone please tell me how this is going to be a quick fix?? We have a backsplash up, granite in ONE piece, etc. I just can't imagine how it's going to be remedied, but I have faith it will. I just hope it's not going to be a huge inconvenience to us once we're actually living there.
Anyway, off that topic. The last coat of poly was put on the floors tonight, cleaning ladies come back tomorrow to finish cleaning, and we'll be in there tomorrow night to get a few pieces of furniture in before Directv and ADT come to set up our TV and security system Saturday. I can't wait to start posting pics of the furniture and all the decor. That's what's really going to MAKE the house!! Stay tuned!
We had a little bit of a bump this week though. Let me explain. To move in, you have to have a final inspection and the inspector has to give you a CO, or for those of you (like me) who didn't know what that stood for, it's a Certificate of Occupancy. Basically, they tell you that it's ok to move in. Well, we had that lovely inspection and the inspector found several things that were not up to code and did not pass us. We were a little worried but the problems were remedied and the guy came back today to check out the fixes. Well, we didn't pass AGAIN. Here's the deal...
If you ever build a house, make sure this doesn't happen to you. When our cabinet guy (who is amazing by the way) was putting the lower cabinets in near the stove, the floor was somewhat uneven; therefore, he had some major adjusting to do to make sure the cabinets were level etc. Well, in doing so, code was broken. The distance from the granite to the bottom of the upper cabinets MUST be 18". Ours is 17.5". SERIOUSLY...we can't pass because of 0.5"??? Well, the inspector DID give us the CO, BUT our builder has to write a letter to the county saying he will fix the problem(s) and they will come back out 3 weeks later to make sure it's fixed.
Here's the kicker...someone please tell me how this is going to be a quick fix?? We have a backsplash up, granite in ONE piece, etc. I just can't imagine how it's going to be remedied, but I have faith it will. I just hope it's not going to be a huge inconvenience to us once we're actually living there.
Anyway, off that topic. The last coat of poly was put on the floors tonight, cleaning ladies come back tomorrow to finish cleaning, and we'll be in there tomorrow night to get a few pieces of furniture in before Directv and ADT come to set up our TV and security system Saturday. I can't wait to start posting pics of the furniture and all the decor. That's what's really going to MAKE the house!! Stay tuned!
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